What makes self-forgiveness so difficult (for some)? Understanding the lived experience of those stuck in self-condemnation

Abstract

Why do some people become stuck in self-condemnation? We explore the lived experiences of people (N = 80) who describe being unable to forgive themselves following a perceived failure or wrongdoing (N = 41), with those who have been able to forgive themselves (N = 39). Applying Thematic Analysis we identified four main themes: (1) past as present vs. future-focused, (2) concerns about agency, (3) concerns about social-moral identity, and (4) coping as reducing negative emotions vs. working through. In addition, we describe two subthemes: (a) a heightened sense of responsibility due to a caregiving role and (b) forgiving oneself after being victimized. The findings of this study contribute to our theoretical understanding of the complexity of self-forgiveness and self-condemnation.