"You cynical ignorant fucker."
- Stephen Fry
"More self-obsessed than Kanye West."
- My mum
"Vicious, relentless, cruel, pursues appalling vendettas after the slightest of perceived insults."
- My old boss
"The most indiscreet man in London."
I am the direct product of my three childhood role models: Darth Vader, Mariah Carey and Margaret Thatcher.