“We-ness” in relationship-defining memories and marital satisfaction

Abstract

Relationship-defining memories represent enduring themes in a marriage and can provide insight in to marital satisfaction (Alea & Vick, 2010). The purpose of the study presented in this chapter was to examine whether “we-ness,” compared to “I-ness,” expressed in positive and negative relationship-defining memories, were linked to martial satisfaction. Men nand women nin long-term marital relationships wrote about their mostdefining positive and negative relationship events. First-person plural (“we-ness”) and singular(“I-ness”) pronouns expressed in the narratives were counted. “We-ness” was less likely to be expressed in negative compared to positive memories. “We-ness”in negative relationship-defining memories was associated with higher martial satisfaction. The effect was particularly for women, who also had a positive association between “we-ness” in positive memories and marital satisfaction. The discussion highlights the role of relationship-defining memories, and “we-ness,” in exploring resiliency in marriage and clinical work with couples.