Becoming a birth mother in the context of a planned same-sex family: ‘As amazing as it is, it’s kind of a tough road to navigate’

Abstract

This qualitative study explored how ten birth mothers in same-sex relationships in Ireland experienced becoming a mother. Semi-structured, face-to-face interviews were audio recorded and transcribed verbatim. Data analysis drew on Interpretative Phenomenological Analysis (IPA) to identify two superordinate themes and related subordinate themes. The first superordinate theme, ‘Negotiating the joy and the strain’ encapsulated the dichotomy of positive and negative experiences mothers encounter in their role. Two subordinate themes, ‘Embracing motherly connection’ and ‘Grappling with motherhood expectations’ captured the positive experiences of attachment with their child and the challenges entailed in being in the ‘stereotypical’ role of the birth mother. The second superordinate theme, ‘Building a united front’ represented the experiences within a couple pertinent to an LGBQ+ family in a heteronormative context. Two subordinate themes, ‘Creating a shared motherhood’ and ‘Uniting as a family in an insecure system’ highlighted how the couple created strength and empowerment within their relationship and family. The findings emphasize the internal and relational processes that impact on the identity formation, couple relationships, and family dynamics of birth mothers becoming a mother in a same-sex relationship. Implications and recommendations for practice and future research are discussed.