Conceiving before conception: Gay couples searching for an egg donor on their journey to parenthood

Abstract

Same-sex male couples who have a child through surrogacy usually have to choose an egg donor. It remains an open question as to which factors guide their decision-making towards finding the ‘right’ donor. Based on interviews that I conducted with gay couples from Germany, I argue that the intended fathers base their decision on three grounds. First, the egg donor should be open to future contact with the child. Second, her health records are important. Third, the donor’s similarities (e.g. physical appearance and educational attainment) with the couple matter. While this can be read as eugenic preselection, I argue that the couples engage with and reproduce normative family ideals to avoid discriminatory judgements about their non-traditional family. I frame this as ‘conceiving before conception’.