Being Your Actual or Ideal Self? What It Means to Feel Authentic in a Relationship

Abstract

Relational authenticity—which refers to subjective feelings of authenticity in a specific relationship—confers well-being; yet little is known about what gives rise to it. The present research tested competing hypotheses about the basis of relational authenticity, whether it arises from being one’s actual self in a relationship (actual–relational selves overlap), ideal self (relational–ideal selves overlap), or both. A pilot study examined lay beliefs about the basis of relational authenticity. Study 1 then showed that relational–ideal, but not actual–relational, overlap predicts relational authenticity. The remaining studies experimentally manipulated relational–ideal overlap, and showed that low overlap reduced relational authenticity compared with a control condition (Study 2), with varying actual–relational overlap (Study 3), and with varying actual–ideal overlap (Study 4). Several alternative accounts (e.g., negative general relationship perceptions) were addressed. We conclude that relational authenticity emanates largely from being one’s ideal self in the relevant relationship, and discuss implications and future directions.