Bonding power in couples’ relationships. Why relationships fail

Abstract

For decades, the numbers of separations and divorces have been rising. However, up until now only few social science studies have addressed the question of the causes for the failure of relationships. The paper presents an analysis that – drawing on a qualitative study on separation processes that was supported by the German Research Association (DFG) – takes a process analytical approach to investigate the “inner life” of failing relationships. In doing so, based on interviews with both ex-partners, it turns to the couple as its unit of investigation. The study draws on a sample of 23 ex-couples from different social conditions and with different educational backgrounds. In total, three basic constellations of failed relationships could be identified, of which one is treated in detail: relationships whose failure is caused by continual and extensive power imbalances between the partners. It is shown how emotional asymmetries and symbolic power interlock and under what conditions a vast difference in power causes a relationship to fail.