Romantic Relationships and the Actions (or Inactions) That End Them: Blaming Self or Other Influences Feelings of Regret

Abstract

Romantic relationships can greatly enhance our lives, creating intimacy and bonding. Yet, not all relationships succeed, and when they fail, the resulting feelings can be intense, often leaving us feeling regret. The regret we feel is determined in part by whether we decide to take action or rely on inaction. Research shows that actions typically elicit more regret than inactions. However, research also shows gender differences for romantic regret, with men sometimes reporting more regret over inactions and women more regret over actions or equal regret for actions and inactions. The decision justification theory posits that regret is driven by two components: the event’s outcome and self-blame. In the current investigation, we manipulated self and other blame in a hypothetical romantic situation and showed that when blame is attributable to one’s self, actions (e.g., breaking up) elicited more regret than inactions (e.g., staying in a relationship). However, when blame for relationship failure is attributed to one’s partner, participants reported equal regret for actions or inactions. More specific analyses showed that men and women both have more regret for actions when self-blame is involved but when other-blame is involved, women showed equal regret for actions and inactions whereas men trended toward more regret for inactions.