Fathering Across Five Boroughs

Abstract

On a hot summer day in June, I am waiting for the F train on a subway platform in Kensington, Brooklyn. I have been invited to go to a Father’s Day brunch in West Harlem, Upper Manhattan, organized by and for a group of gay fathers. Looking randomly at people around me, I spot a young Black man sitting down on a bench, smiling at his young daughter, and talking to her. They are inseparable. She stands out, wearing a princess tiara, glitter nail polish, a cute puffy blue dress, and sparkly ballerina shoes. After some time watching their interactions full of love and complicity, I introduce myself and what I came to New York City to do. I quickly understand that he is a single father. On his experiences as a single dad, he shares with me, “Man, I remember the nights of sleeplessness. But it’s better now”. Realizing we were going on the same train, we continue our conversation in the direction of Manhattan. On the train, he looks at her, smiling, “I try not to yell too much, she’s a girl, so I gotta soften up. She knows she’s cute, it’s hard to say no sometimes”. I compliment on her hair that has been styled in a tight bun like a ballet dancer’s. He tells me, “Yesterday was the last day of pre-K. I took her to a salon; she’s had her hair and nails done. But usually, yes, I do her hair”. I learn that he himself is going to a birthday party with two long-time friends, a same-sex couple who recently adopted a kid. “What are the challenges you have had as a single father?” I ask him. His first answer is about food, “she’s a picky eater, omg. I try to make her try different things, but it’s difficult”, he confesses. He continues, “We had a good summer hanging out, we went to Disney with my mum and I. She’s spoiled”, looking at her like she is the apple of his eye.