Building a Circle of Care in Same-Sex Couple Relationships: A Socio-Emotional Relational Approach

Abstract

Although same-sex couples tend to be more egalitarian than their heterosexual counterparts, power differences still matter. With heterosexual couples, differences in power between genders tend to be accepted because they feel "natural" as a product of social norms, with little discussion or intentional negotiation of the unequal relationship patterns present. In contrast, taken-for-granted societal gender norms do not exist for same-sex couples, since gender differences are not present. This means potential power differences may be somewhat easier to see. As practitioners of Socio-Emotional Relationship Therapy (SERT), and as gay men (Jason and Naveen) and an ally (Lana) ourselves, it was important to us that conditions of equality be studied in same-sex couples. To accomplish this, we looked at the many studies that have been done with respect to same-sex couples using the mutuality processes defined in SERT's Circle of Care: mutual influence, shared vulnerability, shared relational responsibility, and mutual attunement. Comparison studies have long found that same-sex partners maintain more equal relationships than their heterosexual counterparts, largely because they do not divide roles and responsibilities based on gender. In fact, both gay men and lesbian women have been shown to be more aware of and attentive to equality issues in their relationships than heterosexual couples. In this chapter we present our understanding of the dynamics of power and equality in same-sex relationships and consider how these may apply to SERT clinicians. (PsycINFO Database Record (c) 2015 APA, all rights reserved). (chapter)