A developmental, rational-emotive behavioral approach for working with parents

Abstract

The work of Albert Ellis and other Rational-Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT)-oriented practitioners summarized in this chapter represent some of the earliest work published in the 1960s of cognitive-behavioral theory applied to understanding the influence of parents and parenting style on childrens adjustment including problems of childhood. This work has led to the incorporation within REBT child treatment and adolescent treatment of a focus not only on the child but on the parenting styles of the childs parents and, more broadly, on the effect that overall family functioning has on the child. Ellis et al. (1966) wrote about the role of parental beliefs about their children and how their beliefs influence their childrens view of the world in "How to Raise an Emotionally Healthy, Happy Child." The worst care parents can provide their children is that of blaming them for their mistake making and wrongdoing. Parents or other early teachers usually help a child plummet down the toboggan slide towards disturbed feelings and behaviors by doing two things when he (child) does something that displeases them: (a) they tell him that he is wrong for acting in this displeasing manner, and (b) they strongly indicate to him that he is a worthless individual for being wrong, and that he therefore deserves to be damned and severely punished for his wrongdoing. As well as calling for parents to communicate rational messages to their children, included in this work is a range of practical advice for parents on how to overcome a variety of their childrens common childhood problems. Another example of REBT, cognitive-behavioral theory applied to parenting is the pioneering text authored by Paul Hauck in 1967, The Rational Management of Children (1967). In this book, Hauck identified different irrational beliefs of parents that lead to distinct positive and negative styles of parenting. Unkind and firm patterns ("unquestioning obedience toward authority combined with a kick in the ego) involve parental behavior of setting rigid rules, never letting their child question their authority, focusing on the wrongdoing of their child, attacking the personality of their child, strictness and little praise ("Children must never disagree with their superiors"). Kind and not firm child-rearing practices involve parents who while showing love and affection make few demands and set few limits. Parents who demonstrate this pattern appear to do so out of either not wanting to frustrate their child ("Children must not be frustrated") or out of guilt ("I am responsible for all my childs problems and, therefore, I am hopeless."). Kind and firm child-rearing practice is the preferred and skilled form of parenting. Parents who raise their children in this fashion talk and reason with them about objectionable behavior, focus on the behavior but do not blame the child, set limits with clear consequences for rule violations, set punishment that is related to rule learning, not blame, sometimes frustrate their child when necessary, apply reasonable pressure to teach self-discipline and delay of gratification, never punish out of anger and frequently praise and show love. Today, in their practice, REBT-oriented practitioners spend time with the parents of children discussing and challenging irrational beliefs of parents with a view to developing a firm and kind, authoritative style of parenting. Further, parent psychoeducation provides parents with an understanding of how their childrens emotions and behaviors are influenced by their childrens beliefs and includes ways in which parents can challenge and change irrational beliefs and develop more rational ones. Bernard and Joyce (1984) identified irrational beliefs of parents which are associated with ineffective parenting, for example, "I have little ability to control my feelings when things go wrong at home" (a belief underlying general parent upset) and "my child must always behave the way I demand" (a belief underlying parent anger). Alternative rational parent beliefs were presented which form the foundation for effective parenting. Rational-Emotive Behavior Therapy consultation, an intervention which aims to help an individual or organization which has identified a problem, and is characterized by collaborative problem solving, has been described in detail elsewhere (Bernard and DiGiuseppe, 1994; Joyce, 1990; 1994; Meyers et al., 1979). Client-Centered Consultation between the practitioner and parent-consultee provides the parent with new ways to help their child who is the (absent) client. Consultee-Centered Consultation addresses aspects of the parents functioning and practice to improve the parents management of their own thinking and behavior in their parenting role. Rational-Emotive Behavior Therapy continues to offer a unique contribution to understanding and intervening with parents who report problems in their relationship with their children or whose children have been identified as having problems. This chapter brings together REBT approaches with recent advances in theory and research on the role of parents in their childrens mental health and well-being. It covers problems from the milder end of the spectrum, which may involve psychoeducation only, through to more complex dysfunctional family problems. It brings a focus on the emotional self-regulation of parents and its relationship to the childs emotional regulation. Not every psychological disorder of childhood can be covered in the chapter but disorders common at particular stages of development will be used to illustrate ways to work with parents in alleviating the problems of their children. © 2006 Springer Science+Business Media, Inc.