Helping couples deal with betrayal and affairs

Abstract

This chapter examines the differences between different types of betrayals, focusing on the thoughts and feelings related to betrayal involving an affair. Ten erroneous beliefs held by both the betrayer and the betrayed are identified, including suggestions for how therapists can help the couple challenge these destructive beliefs. The author also describes five types of affairs: the accidental affair, the angry affair, the regulator affair, the midlife crisis affair, and the romantic love affair. The role of the therapist in working with couples where betrayal is an issue is addressed in detail, with emphasis on how to work both individually and conjointly. Information about reconciliation, including restitution and forgiveness, is also covered, as well as how to work with a betrayed partner's anger.