“Is mommy getting a day off?” Gay fathers’ approaches to socialization around family diversity and children’s surrogacy origins

Abstract

The present study explored the approaches employed by gay fathers to socialize their children regarding their family diversity and surrogacy origins. In-home, semi-structured interviews were conducted with 80 gay fathers (representing 40 families) with at least one child aged 3–9 years (M = 5.94, SD = 2.35; 52.50% assigned female at birth) who had been conceived via surrogacy. Three distinct socialization approaches were identified using reflexive thematic analysis: proactive, cautious, and neutral. The proactive approach was most prevalent, with fathers initiating discussion and fostering pride in their family structure, while equipping children to navigate potential heteronormative bias, teasing, and bullying. The cautious approach reflected a reactive strategy, with fathers addressing the topic only in response to their children’s inquiries, driven by concern that early discussion could provoke undue anxiety or alarm. Finally, the neutral approach emphasized the normality of the family structure by minimizing explicit discussion about being a two-father family. These findings highlight the diverse strategies gay fathers through surrogacy use to navigate heteronormative societal contexts, which hold significant relevance for policy and clinical practices aimed at supporting diverse family structures.