Intimate sounds of silence: its motives and consequences in romantic relationships

Abstract

Silence shared between partners is a rich and understudied feature of romantic relationships. Within relationships, silence may be experienced in meaningfully different ways as a function of the motivations underlying it. These internally rich experiences may affect partners differently than silence that occurs spontaneously (i.e., without intentional initiation). In four studies, we tested the motives of silence and corresponding affect and relationship quality, operationalized through psychological need satisfactions and inclusion of other into self. Studies relied on complementary methods to explore the phenomenon of silence, namely cross-sectional, daily diary, and experimental designs. Findings across studies showed that intrinsically motivated silence was felt with more positive affect and less negative affect, and that relationships were closer and more need satisfying during intrinsically motivated moments of silence. Introjected and externally motivated silences, on the other hand, were often linked to more negative affect and lower relational outcomes. Spontaneous moments of silence were not consistently linked to affect or need satisfaction.