Find, remind, blind? Support as a context for the adaptive nature of gratitude

Abstract

Extant literature often assumes that gratitude is intrinsically positive therefore ought to be maximized. Virtue theory and social alignment theory, however, suggest gratitude is adaptive only in specific relational contexts. Drawing from find-remind-bind theory’s notion that gratitude functions to promote interactions with supportive partners in particular, we test whether it is not just the overall level of gratitude and support that bear upon personal (psychological well-being, physical health) and relational (commitment, sexual satisfaction, aggression) outcomes, but also congruence in levels of gratitude for one’s partner relative to the support they provide. Drawing from a cross-sectional survey of 874 mixed-sex married dyads (N = 1,748) in the United States, we demonstrate that gratitude for a partner in excess of the support that partner provides is associated with maladaptive personal and relational outcomes. Implications and future directions are discussed.