A guest essay

Abstract

Ms. Whippman is the author of "Boymom: Reimagining Boyhood in the Age of Impossible Masculinity." The 20-year-old college student and gamer I met in Cedar City, Utah, didn't seem particularly amused by his own joke that he was a cultural cliché. He lived in his grandma's basement, and barely left the house except to go to classes. He spent the vast majority of his free time online-playing video games, watching porn and hanging out on Discord, the heavily male-skewed communication platform, where users gather in communities devoted to topics ranging from the innocuously nerdy to the utterly horrifying. By his own admission, he was brutally lonely. During the pandemic, he was a moderator for a Discord community, at first mainly sorting out technical problems and weeding out trolls. But one night, an adolescent boy called him over voice chat, and started sharing how lonely and depressed he was. He spoke with the boy for an hour, trying to talk him down and give him hope. That call led to more like it. Over time, he developed a reputation as an unofficial therapist on the server. By the time he left Discord a year or so later, he'd had about 200 calls with different people, both men and women, who spoke of contemplating suicide.