Regretting parenthood in a family friendly, ‘gender equal’ society: accounts from Swedish online forums

Abstract

In the past decades, parents have used online forums to discuss challenges associated with parenthood, seeking support from other parents as well as professional advice. A highly sensitive topic discussed in these forums is regret about having children. Previous studies from various contexts have highlighted how regret, as expressed online, is often connected to difficulties of living up to and identifying with ideals of parenting, and that parenthood leads to feelings of exhaustion, entrapment and a negative self-image. In this article, I analyze how regret is expressed in two major Swedish online forums, including accounts from 142 parents. Sweden is a country that is often highlighted internationally as a pioneer in gender equality, with laws that protect sexual and reproductive rights and family- friendly policies that support parents in combining family life and work life. In light of this, I focus on the different decisions related to parenthood that people regret, the challenges and disappointments that family life has brought to parents, and the consequences that parenthood has had on their lives. I show how gender-equal parenting ideals are highly present in the discussions, and how they coexist and conflict with more traditional parenting behaviours and patterns.