Pathways and Patterns for Communication with Intimate Partners: Men’s Retrospectives After a Relationship Breakdown

Abstract

Effective communication is key to the quality of men’s intimate partner relationships. The current study examines men’s pathways and patterns for communication with intimate partners. Based on interviews with 47 Canadian and Australian participants (26–70-years-old; M = 40.87, SD = 10.59) who had experienced a relationship breakdown[s], three themes were derived: (a) Breaking through after breaking up, (b) Detailing deficiencies, and (c) Building skills and strategies. Breaking through after breaking up mapped men’s pathways in retrospectively evaluating and addressing their communication. Men’s self-work focussed on knowing themselves to more authentically communicate with partners. Detailing deficiencies included self-censoring characterized by men’s reticence to communicate their feelings for fear of conflict and/or the relationship ending. Building skills and strategies highlighted temporal dimensions of communication wherein men idealized regular formal check-ins with partners to discuss, and when necessary adjust the relationship. Connections between masculinities and men’s communication are discussed to guide tailored relationship programs for men.