Reconstructing my identity

Abstract

Purpose-The purpose of this paper is to offer an insight into mental health illness in academia, and its impact on academic identity. Design/methodology/approach-The study adopts an evocative autoethnographic approach, utilising diary entries collected during my three-month absence from my university due to depression and anxiety. A contemporary methodology, autoethnography seeks to use personal experience to provide a deeper understanding of culture. In this personal story, the author explore her decline in mental health and subsequent reconstruction of her academic identity in order to enhance understanding of the organisational culture of higher education. Findings-This paper illustrates how, rather than being an achievement, academic identity is an ongoing process of construction. Although mental health illness can contribute to a sense of loss of self, identity can be reconstructed during and after recovery. Autoethnographic explorations of depression and anxiety in higher education provide a deeper understanding of an often stigmatized issue, but researchers should be alive to the political and ethical pitfalls associated with deeply reflexive research. Originality/value-There is little autoethnographic research on mental health illness in a university setting. This paper offers unique insights into the lived experience of depression and anxiety in the context of academic life, through the lens of academic identity.