Raising Children With High Self-Esteem (But Not Narcissism)

Abstract

With the rise of individualism since the 1960s, Western parents have become increasingly concerned with raising their children’s self-esteem. This is understandable, given the benefits of self-esteem for children’s psychological health. However, parents’ well-intentioned attempts to raise self-esteem, such as through inflated praise, may inadvertently breed narcissism. How can parents raise self-esteem without breeding narcissism? In this article, we propose a tripartite model of self-regard, which holds that the development of self-esteem without narcissism can be cultivated through realistic feedback (rather than inflated praise), a focus on growth (rather than on outperforming others), and unconditional regard (rather than regard that is conditional). We review evidence in support of these practices and outline promising directions for research. Our model integrates existing research, stimulates the development of theory, and identifies leverage points for intervention to raise self-esteem and curtail narcissism from a young age.