Relationship satisfaction and the subjective distance of past relational events

Abstract

The present research examines how the subjective time of relational memories is linked to present relationship satisfaction. We tested the hypothesis that satisfied (but not dissatisfied) partners would keep happy relational events subjectively close in time and relegate transgressions to the subjectively distant past (regardless of when those events actually occurred). We found support for our predictions in the context of romantic relationships (Study 1) and with any type of close other (e.g., friends, family members; Study 2). To better understand the implications of the subjective distancing pattern among highly satisfied versus dissatisfied partners, we examined the role of perceptions of event importance. We found that highly satisfied partners’ adaptive pattern of distancing mediates their tendency to ascribe continued importance to past relationship glories, while dismissing earlier relational disappointments as unimportant (Study 2). We then examined the causal impact of subjective time on importance and on subsequent relationship satisfaction by manipulating both event valence and perceptions of subjective distance (Study 3). People were more satisfied when happy relational events felt close and unhappy ones felt distant. This work sheds light on a reciprocal process whereby highly satisfied partners navigate the temporal landscape of their relational histories by retaining and valuing happy memories and by discarding the relevance of painful ones, which then maintains or boosts subsequent relationship satisfaction.