“How did you stay together so long?” Relationship longevity, a cross-generational qualitative study

Abstract

This global qualitative study adopted a cross-generational approach considering key factors contributing to relationship longevity. Relatively few studies consider factors leading to relationship longevity as articulated by couples themselves, and there is a paucity of research considering young couples' questions regarding relationship longevity. This study has two sample groups. In sample one (n = 137) we asked individuals in relationship of 3–15 years questions they would ask couples in marriages of 40+ years. We then asked our second sample of coupled individuals married 40+ years (n = 180) these questions. The primary question from the younger couples to couples in long-term marriages regarded their “secret” to relationship longevity. This study focuses on this one question and coupled individuals' self-articulation of their “secrets” to relationship longevity. The top seven were (1) commitment, (2) altruism, (3) shared values, (4) good communication, (5) compromise: give and take, (6) love, and (7) never give up. The clinical implications for couple therapists are discussed.