The Invisible Abuser: Attachment, Victimization, and Perpetrator Perception in Repeat Abuse

Abstract

Current models of trauma bonding often understate the perpetrator's role in shaping victims' emotional attachment, risking both victim—blaming and conceptual distortion. This study addresses that gap through interviews with 18 women who experienced repeat domestic abuse and sustained attachment to their perpetrators. The analysis identifies attachment weaponisation as a core mechanism of coercive control. Through grooming, trauma—sharing, and alternating cruelty with care, abusers deliberately manufacture emotional entrapment. These cycles don't merely mimic intimacy — they weaponise it, turning affection into a mechanism of control that binds victims to their perpetrators without the need for force or visible constraint. The findings also indicate a distinct perpetrator profile marked by volatility, manipulativeness, and performative vulnerability. The paper shows that trauma bonding isn't a symptom of weakness — it's a strategy of control. Abusers create attachment through manipulation, turning love into a tool of domination.