‘Hello, I’m me’: an autoethnographical account of blurring identities as a health researcher

Abstract

Written in the voice of the first author, this autoethnographic paper utilises researcher introspection to examine the interplay of personal identities with motivations, pre-conceptions, and ‘ways of being’ that impact a career in health research. In the context of a co-design workshop with mothers of children with brain tumours, identities are examined including that of ‘mother’, ‘student/academic’ and ‘health professional/consumer’. Introspection is used, inspired by the workshop recording as the primary source of data. This introspective reflection results in understanding that many of the ‘weaknesses’ perceived internally were not evident externally. Through a sociological lens and review of feminist literature, these ‘weakness’, such as the struggle to balance assertiveness and humility, are conceptualised as a ‘double-bind’. Many women face these when forced to embody competing societal expectations such as the contrasting levels of assertiveness expected of a female versus a professional. Arrival at an understanding of the lack of value patriarchal societies place in traditionally female traits eventuates. Attention to emotion in social situations is a strength in a qualitative research career (and life!), and conscious valuing of this skill eases a voice of anxiety within when grappling with a sense of self in research.