Why are couples fighting? A need frustration perspective on relationship conflict and dissatisfaction

Abstract

The present study investigated whether partners’ frustration of relational needs for autonomy, competence, and relatedness was associated with relationship dissatisfaction and conflict (frequency, topics, communication patterns). Self-report measures were completed by 230 committed heterosexual couples. APIM and regression analyses revealed that (1) need frustration is associated with how dissatisfied partners are with their relationship, how frequently they initiate conflict, and how they communicate during conflicts, but not with the number of conflict topics; (2) relatedness-frustration matters most, whereas only limited evidence was found for autonomy- and competence-frustration; (3) both one's own and one's partner's need frustration play a role in dissatisfaction and conflict; and (4) although most of the results were consistent across gender, gender differences were found for how need frustration affects couples’ conflict communication. Therapeutic implications are discussed. Practitioner points: Addressing need frustration in couples may help to reduce relationship dissatisfaction, conflict, and destructive conflict communication Therapists should especially focus on relatedness-frustration of men and women, but also pay attention to their autonomy-frustration Destructive conflict communication patterns in couples reflect relatedness-frustration in both men and women and autonomy- and competence-frustration in men.